I am back to it again. On Thursday, I came home, dead tired to a kitchen sink full of dirty utensils. I flared up.....I am not a super human being.....why am i expected to do every thing in this house. counting till ten under my breath so that I dont completely boil over, I told him....'isnt it lil unfair that its always me who has do this job' and he said ' i had the intention of doing it.'
i lost it...do intentions help? why cant you just do it? he comes home at 6:30 pm, I am back at about 10pm. I got bitter, raised my voice that I have a life worse than a maid because she at least gets paid.
the response from my better half - silence..... stoic silence. its been two days since he uttered a word unless asked a question. he is so comfortable in this silence that i wonder if i mean anything at all or does he see through me.
what is this going on in my life? this is not the marriage i wanted. this is not the spouse i wished for. this is not the way i expect my man to respond to my call for help....yes i didnt really plead but has he not got eyes to see or a heart to understand or a body that tells him what fatigue is.
why cant he ever be the mature one...the bigger one? i guess i am not needed. otherwise how can one go on being a stranger to their own spouse.
i am beginning to lose hope......i am confused. the worse is there isnt anyone i can share this with. my old, retired parents will die if they as much as get a whiff of my marriage being on rocks. friends wont understand and i am not sure they need to know.
in the second week of January, we were in kerala for his friend's wedding. well, i am not a very social person, he is. I take time to get pally with new people and often my conversations are nothing more than social pleasantries. He is of the impression that I expect people to approach me and that I am stuck up. May be I am....or may be I am one of those who can keep themselves occupied without talking to anyone.
the stay for his friend's marriage was an eye opener.....i am not his perfect mate, he made it clear with his attitude. He wants someone who is more social, easy going and wants a close knit, big fat family. he severed ties with his own and he is not close to mine. Where will this dream family come from?
he gets super impressed with families that stay abroad, because he feels life anywhere out of India is great. this wedding had many such families and it was obvious that he was trying too hard to be nice to them. why?
when he can be so nice to others....total strangers, when he can be a great friend to others, why is it that I am treated so bad. I think I am being taken for granted. may be he is fed up of this marriage .....may be I am not the wife he thought I would be.
God, please give me clarity of thought and the wisdom to chose the right path. Please help me.
i lost it...do intentions help? why cant you just do it? he comes home at 6:30 pm, I am back at about 10pm. I got bitter, raised my voice that I have a life worse than a maid because she at least gets paid.
the response from my better half - silence..... stoic silence. its been two days since he uttered a word unless asked a question. he is so comfortable in this silence that i wonder if i mean anything at all or does he see through me.
what is this going on in my life? this is not the marriage i wanted. this is not the spouse i wished for. this is not the way i expect my man to respond to my call for help....yes i didnt really plead but has he not got eyes to see or a heart to understand or a body that tells him what fatigue is.
why cant he ever be the mature one...the bigger one? i guess i am not needed. otherwise how can one go on being a stranger to their own spouse.
i am beginning to lose hope......i am confused. the worse is there isnt anyone i can share this with. my old, retired parents will die if they as much as get a whiff of my marriage being on rocks. friends wont understand and i am not sure they need to know.
in the second week of January, we were in kerala for his friend's wedding. well, i am not a very social person, he is. I take time to get pally with new people and often my conversations are nothing more than social pleasantries. He is of the impression that I expect people to approach me and that I am stuck up. May be I am....or may be I am one of those who can keep themselves occupied without talking to anyone.
the stay for his friend's marriage was an eye opener.....i am not his perfect mate, he made it clear with his attitude. He wants someone who is more social, easy going and wants a close knit, big fat family. he severed ties with his own and he is not close to mine. Where will this dream family come from?
he gets super impressed with families that stay abroad, because he feels life anywhere out of India is great. this wedding had many such families and it was obvious that he was trying too hard to be nice to them. why?
when he can be so nice to others....total strangers, when he can be a great friend to others, why is it that I am treated so bad. I think I am being taken for granted. may be he is fed up of this marriage .....may be I am not the wife he thought I would be.
God, please give me clarity of thought and the wisdom to chose the right path. Please help me.
posted by deepworld @ 8:57 AM
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