Bombay

We shifted to Bombay (I refuse to call it Mumbai....Bombay is my city of dreams)

In fact it was me who was desperate for this change. He was reluctant...Bangalore suited him fine. He was happy, loved his work, had friends and colleagues he respected and cared for. It was me....my desperation, boredom of having been in the city for more 6 six years that forced him to agree for a base shift. I didn't even give him time to react, I took things in my hands, told him this will be good for my career, lets go.

He said a muted yes; I didn't bother to read his silence. I felt no pain leaving the house we had bought a year ago, decorated it with so much affection....each curio hand picked by us after much consultation and deliberation. I was ready to leave this all, for my career, my urgency of getting over the monotonous, sedated Bangalore life.

We shifted to Bombay on Sept 28. Wide eyed, with hopes in my heart, I sat next to him in the cab to what would be our new home. A one bedroom house, that he had warned me rather strictly may come as a shock to me. I didn’t pay attention; it can’t be that bad....

After 20 minutes, we were in front of this grey, greenish building. Our new home was at the first floor. We entered, with me telling myself no matter how...but u have to like it. I think I did. I did the 'sthapna' of the idol of my lord Ganesha.

My better half was numb, won’t react. The loo was too small, but I won’t complain, even though I am claustrophobic. He refused to use the toilet, wont leave the bed where was lying like a lifeless soldier. I did the kitchen; a burning stove would make it seem everything was on track. For two days, he was in what I would call as 'withdrawal'. He won’t talk but I could hear his unsaid words. My heart cried.....I can’t make him unhappy, but I also can’t let go of my career. I have to give it that shot. If I lose, I will know I gave it my best. I could not console myself the same way if I had remained in Bangalore.

On October 3, we both started our new offices. He doesn’t talk about his colleagues as he would in Bangalore I don’t even have the landline number of his office.

My office....I have known the people here for along time. Are they friends? No....
today, after 3 months, I am looking back at my stint so far. I guess I have gained nothing....yeah may be work wise a bit, but personally nothing.

It’s a mad, bad, big city. If you are lonely, it makes you lonelier. If you don't have friends, it makes you all the more isolated. If you are stressed, it makes you crazy with anxiety, if you are sensitive, it hurts you every day with its rough attitude, if you are warm, it sears your heart with coldness, if your want peace, you might as well die, you will never find it here. Bombay is making me restless; I am sad, empty and have given up hope. And the worse is I feel I will never be able to go back to Bangalore.